I Never Got Over It

I never got over it. I only pretended to get through it, because how does someone move past the regret of losing you? My journal is obsessed with every possible future for you and me, with everything that could have been. To me, you were heaven, and heaven should never be tainted by sin. You were perfect — polished, a pleasure to know. I could never have compared to the place where angels go. You were well-spoken and well-mannered. If you had never met me, it wouldn't have mattered in your life at all. If words were made of pennies, you'd create a lottery of rhymes. I made myself a millionaire because it simply wasn't the right time. But I wish it had been. I hold those thoughts like a prayer, unsure whether to say them or keep them hidden. A better person wouldn't dare, but I confess before I can stop myself: I never got over you. Honestly, I don't think I ever could. It didn't happen all at once. It came slowly, quietly, in the way you grew on me through your ways and your soft heart. I had never felt that kind of pull toward anyone else. By the time I realized what it was, there was no turning back. Before love had time to fall, I was already yours. I said I didn't like you that much at all. I did. Sometimes, I still do. When I compare every day to that first day I had with you, I know what it was. To call it something else would be cruel. Maybe they're just growing pains, but why do I think of you? Why did your personality leave such a mark on my soul? Why did I learn so much from you? Is it because I still love you? They say we love and learn; if you love somebody, you can learn from them. How can you love someone when you know they're supposed to leave? Don't leave. I loved you. Please, stay. Don't leave, because that love won't leave my heart anyway. Don't leave. I never said it. I wish I had. I loved you. Don't leave, because I know the future, and without you, it's pretty sad. I mean it or let me go. Leave if you must, but I need you to know that every part of me will love you. But if you never return, what a hell of a lesson the loss of you was to learn.